Self doubt.

I am not sure why but I found myself awake last night up until like 3 o clock. I sat in bed and wasn’t sure why I couldn’t fall asleep. I was stressing about things again. Mainly the question, what do I want to do in life? I look over things that I need for my future if I were to become a doctor and everything seems so competitive and demanding. There is so much school in it and when is there me time? Will I even make it into medical school? I am not sure why I choose this path but I am not sure what I want to do with my life if I don’t become a doctor. This self doubt eats me up at times. What am I doing to do if I don’t even make it into medical school? What will a pre-med degree do for me in life? I think about these things and it eats me up sometimes to the point where I don’t get sleep.

There are other times where I am totally with the idea of becoming a doctor. Where nothing is stressful and school and school work just comes to me and I do it. I don’t know why I do this to myself. The feeling of self doubt sucks and uncertainty also sucks. Uncertainty stresses me out too all the time. Knowing things and knowing what is going to happen feels great.


[Picture] That is the view from the top of one of the mountains over looking over a town in Maui. Original size of image 8186x1987.

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What a strange week it has been. Some old stuff.



Beaters

Man Date.

Today I went on a man date(s). Went shopping around with Sabit looking for some Van Chukkas, lows were preferable but I found a white pair in high. I didn’t buy them right away but went back to DQM later with Jerry and Jesse. Before that I went to Columbus park to sit around and wait for Jerry. We threw a little and saw Jesse. We caught up about the summer and then went to DQM to pick these bad boys up. Next man date? Not sure when but I know I am going to lunch with Baruch kids on Tuesday on my day off.

"I thought 'Sabit' was a bad name but 'Gaymen' that's a bad name" -Sabit.



no homo.

Textbooks.

I spent my first Tuesday off, many more to come, on campus with Chris Vincent and Sara shopping for text books. I took the liberty to walk into the Brooklyn College Barns & Nobel and buy brand new textbooks and think about buying a Brooklyn College sweater as well. These things cost an arm and a leg to buy.($460) Sara did buy Vincent a rainbow folder that I am not sure why he is going to use for. He tells me that it is a great conversation starter with girls he doesn't know in class. Good luck with that. There wasn’t much compromise for all these science courses that I am taking, but I know that I am going to use these text books for more than one semester so it will be all worth it. I also went to work out today and saw the few friends that were staying in NYC. My old gym teacher, Alpha, was there and was telling me how he used to work for his college office. He would take text books and just make copies of things that he needed for free. GG. I find myself stressed because I know that I learned the material but I have forgotten a lot of it. I am not sure why I feel as if the finals are the next class and I am going to fuck up. I have a whole semester to relearn this stuff. Plenty of homework too now to do.

Cambell 8th edition!? Chyeaaaaa! -.-"


Not all textbooks pictured.